Let The Memory Live Again
by Chocolate Scones
Summary: Morgana's powers are growing stronger and stronger and one day she is forced to use them. After her magic is released, terrible memories that were forcibly forgotten are remembered in her sleep, and now she must fight for the past, fight for what's hers.
1. I Know Your Secret

**Hi! This is my first attempt at a Merlin fanfic, so I hope you enjoy! The first part isn't the best thing I've ever written, but it does get better, so please sick with it! Just to warn you, it does get pretty dark in places, so this isn't suitable for younger readers.**

**Let the Memory Live Again- Chapter One**

Every so often the lullaby drifted into her head, the lullaby that her mother used to sing to her. She remembered waking up in the middle of the night at five years old, sweat dripping down her body, tears running down her face. Her mother sung to her, rocked her back to sleep, banishing that terrible dream away; the dream in which she saw her mother lying on the hard stone floor, eyes like glass, blood surrounding her body.

She remembered her father telling her that everything would be all right, that they would get through this, together. She remembered laying the daffodils down on his coffin, the good King Uther by her side.

She had felt the power grow inside of her, ever since she could remember it had been there. It hurt her. Her mind hurt unceasingly, she suffered from constant sleep deprivation. She felt the magic bubble way like acid, burning her inside, waiting to be released. It grew constantly stronger; she didn't just see thing anymore, no, I was so much more than that.

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Uther Pendragon strolled through his castle, content with the scenes that he saw; people were happy, the sun was shining outside, things were running smoothly. He lay back in his throne, shut his eyes and took a long, deep breath, appreciating the calm atmosphere. Nothing could ruin this rare moment of peace. Or so he thought.

"I can't do it anymore Uther!" Morgana crashed through the doors, "I can't be around that man for another second or I fear I may strangle him!"

Uther sighed. He'd known that Sir Gaheris would be a problem, that he would clash with his ward's feisty nature, "You have to make an effort Morgana."

"If I hadn't been making an effort, he'd be dead already!" she snapped, "I can't stand the man! He's rude, obnoxious, chauvinistic and I don't like the way he looks at me!"

Uther could already feel a headache coming along. "Calm down Morgana. As you know, your father wished for you to be married by the age of eighteen. Although I am a man true to my word, I have not attempted to press you into marriage before now. You are twenty years old Morgana and it is your time to marry."

She almost laughed at this "You say that so dryly my lord. It is not the idea of marriage that I dislike Uther, just the idea of being married to _him."_

"First impressions are very rarely correct Morgana, you must give him a chance before you turn him away."

She knew it was pointless to argue, "Fine. But you have to promise that you won't force me to marry him."  
Uther smiled kindly, "I promise."

*****

Morgana slowly walked down the corridor, putting off the moment in which she would have to spent time with Gaheris again. She took a deep breath as she entered the room in which the knight had requested they meet.

"Ah, Lady Morgana, you are here."

She walked into the vast room to find Gaheris, alone, sitting on top of a table.

"Sir Gaheris. Where is everyone else?" the emptiness of the echoey room worried her. She didn't get worried very often.

"I thought it might be nice to meet in private. We've hardly had a moment to ourselves since I arrived in Camelot."

"That's because we're not supposed to Sir Gaheris. Now good night." She didn't want to spend another minute with this man. She turned around to leave.

"Wait Morgana." Her stopped her, "I know your secret,"

She spun around, "What?!"

He grinned, "And I intend to use it."

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**Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it!**


	2. I Can Explain

**Let the Memory Live Again- Chapter Two**

"You know my secret?" She felt her breathing get heavier and heavier

Gaheris nodded, "I do."

She stared him in the eye, "You're bluffing."

"Am I Morgana?" he slowly moved towards her, a sickening smile upon his face, "Morgana the lady, Morgana the seer, Morgana the sorceress." He caressed her face with his dirt great hand.

"Don't touch me." She whispered, fear overtaking her senses. What was this beast going to do with her?

"We would be good together Morgana." He seemed to growl.

Morgana gasped as his eyes glowed red, "Who are you? What are you?"

"We are one and the same, you and I." He brought her face close to his.

She could feel his hot sticky breath on her cheek, her attempts not to cry were failing, "We are nothing alike!"

"You think?" the smile was getting increasingly sinister. An incantation left his lips, fire seemed to sweep it's way around the two bodies.

"No," she murmured, pain engulfing her slender body.

"Yes!" he laughed

It was too much to bear, "NO!" There was a crack of lightening; Morgana fell to the floor, her eyes clenched shut.

"Morgana!" Uther's booming voce came from behind her.

She looked up. There was the King, his son by his side, both staring open-mouthed at the scene before them.

She looked around the room; all of the tapestries were lying ripped and burnt on the floor; windows were smashed, ornaments were broken. Her eyes slowly reached the other side of the room. Gaheris was lying in a tangled heap, his eyes wide open. Even in death he had that horrible smile upon his scrawny face.

"What have you done Morgana?" Arthur gasped.

"Arthur." He voice trembled, "Uther, I can explain… My lord, I… My lord, please say something."

"GUARDS!" he screamed.

She shook her head violently, "Uther no! Please Uther, I didn't choose this, I didn't mean to betray you!"

Three guards ran into the room, "Seize her! Take her to the dungeons. Prepare her for execution."

"Father!"

"No, no, Uther please! I couldn't help it! I never wanted to hurt anyone!" she guards grabbed her delicate arms, "Please!" she sobbed, "Uther spare me! He was attacking me, I was in fear of my life!"

"Take her away!" The anger in his eyes was so strong, so vicious; there was no use in arguing now.

"Father, please think about this for a moment-"

He glared at his son "It is not your place to question me Arthur."

"UTHER!" Morgana was dragged down the corridor.

"Father…" the sounds of her screaming were unbearable.

"NO!" Uther roared, "The rules change for no one. Morgana will die tomorrow."


	3. We Should Have Helped Her

**Let the Memory Live Again- Chapter Three**

Merlin was carrying out his normal duties, cleaning Arthur's room and the like. So far it had been a pretty unremarkable day, boring in fact. Why did Arthur have to be such a dirty pig? He'd cleaned this bedchamber two days ago and already it looked and smelt like a pigsty! He pondered whether it would be a good idea to used magic to get that stain off Arthur's jacket or nor when the prince stormed into the room.

"My lord what's wrong?"

"She lied to me! All of these years she's been lying to me!" his fists were clenched tight, his face bright red.

"Sire?"

He went to look out of the window, his back to Merlin,, "If she'd just told me I could have protected her, he'd never have found out!"

Merlin moved closer to his master, "Arthur, will you please just tell me what is going on?"

He spun around. Merlin was shocked to see the tears dripping down the princes face, "How could she be so stupid?! Who in their right mind would learn magic whilst living under King Uther's roof? She used it in broad daylight for goodness sake! She's signed her own death warrant!"

Merlin gasped, "Morgana?" and with that he was gone.

Arthur threw himself onto his bed, continuously punching the pillows in a fit of rage and grief, "Stupid, Stupid girl!"

*****

"Gaius!" Merlin ran through courtyard towards his guide, "Gaius, it's Morgana!"

Gaius grabbed his arm, "Keep your voice down Merlin! Do you want the whole court to know how we knew she was magic?"

Merlin followed Gaius to their rooms, "You know she's been arrested?"

"Everyone know she's been arrested Merlin. Everyone knows the King's ward's 'dirty little secret'."

Merlin paced up and down the room, "Don't talk about it like that. This is our fault Gaius, we should have helped her."  
He shook his head "There was nothing we could have done."

"That's rubbish Gaius and you know it! I've been here for a year and you have helped me so much when it's come to my magic; You've been treating Morgana for half of her life and all you do for her is give her some sleeping draught that doesn't even work!" he had wanted to help Morgana, he had wanted to tell her of his own powers. He'd never known anyone with the gift; they could have helped each other. He knew what she was like after she'd had a dream, a vision; She'd needed comforting, she'd needed help, but Gaius always said 'no, that would only put him in danger.'


	4. It Has To Be Done

**Hi again! Sorry for the long delay!! I thought I'd upload this chapter to mark the start of series 2 tonight! Thanks to all of the people who have added my story/me to their favourites etc! I'd love some reviews too :)**

**Oh, by the way, the dungeon in my story is set out in a different way to the one in the series, but I'm sure you can work it out! :)**

** Let The Memory Live Again- Chapter Four**

Alone. So alone. She had felt alone for such a long time. She had never felt as desolate as this though, not even when her father died. She tried in vain not to think about what the next day would bring. And end to the nightmares. She studied her surroundings; the thick iron bars, the cold stone floor. Rats ran across the dungeon, going to bite at the other prisoner's toenails. She suddenly grew aware that everyone in the dungeon was staring at her.

"What? What do you want?" she snapped. She felt like her usual self for a moment.

She hadn't expected a response, "Lady Morgana?"

She looked round into the next cell where the man who had spoken to her was sitting, "Yes?"

"How the mighty have fallen!"

She glared at the man. She realised that, behind all of the dirt, he was quite an attractive man. He must have been in his late thirties, his long blonde hair slowly turning a soft shade of grey.

"Oh I remember that look so well!" he laughed, "Not that you'll remember me of course; Uther made damn sure of that!"

She didn't understand what the man meant. She didn't care to understand either, "Just leave me alone."

She leaned back onto the straw that covered her cell. What if she'd let Tauren kill Uther? Things would be different if Arthur was king. She shut her eyes. There was no point in 'What ifs', not now.

"Morgana!" Gwen's soft voice awoke her from her daydream.

She ran towards the front of the cell, clasping her maidservants hands through the bars of her cage, a sudden burst of emotion was released at the sight of her friend, "Gwen," she sobbed, "Gwen I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!"

Gwen cried with her mistress, "No Morgana, there is no need for you to apologise to me."

"I'm scared Gwen." She wept.

Gwen stroked her face, "I know Morgana. We're all scared for you. I can't believe he would do something like this, you're practically his daughter!"

Morgana was shaking, "I could never regard that man as my father, not after what he did to my own."

"Can't you use magic to break your way out of here?" Gwen whispered.

She paused, " I wouldn't know how to."

*****

Arthur could hardly bear look at his father, "You can't do it father, you can't execute Morgana."

Uther turned away from his son, "It has to be done."

"No it doesn't! For goodness sake, she's your daughter! Maybe not by blood, but-"

"Blood is all that matters here Arthur." The king interrupted, his face glowing red.

Arthur laughed, "How blind you are my father."

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**Thanks for taking the time to read it!**


	5. It's Just A Dream

**Here's the next chapter! Thanks for the review Laura Elizabeth! **

**I'm sorry about the lengths of the chapters, but I'll be updating as frequently as possible to try and make up for that!**

**In this chapter we have the first hints of what's to come... I hope you enjoy it!**

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**Let the Memory Live Again- Chapter Five**

After many long hours lay in the begrimed cell in the pit of Camelot, contemplating her ominous fate, Morgana's eyes slowly flickered shut. Her last sleep before the everlasting one.

The fellow prisoners watched the princess writhe in her sleep, fighting an unseen demon. Although a large amount of them were facing the same fate as she, many of them felt sorry for the young Lady Morgana. When they had been sentenced, she had always been the one with the deep sense of regret written on her face.

None felt sorrier than Malcolm. Although at first he had almost been glad that Uther's daughter was spending a night with the wretched of Camelot, it very soon became clear to him that she did not deserve to be there. When he learned of her crime and her fate, a deep anger bubbled up inside of him. That poor girl had gone through so much in her sorry life. Yes, she hadn't had to deal with the daily ills that the peasants had to, and yes she couldn't remember the darkest part of her existence, but God had not been kind to her. The old religion had not been kind to her.

*****

The final day dawned. The sun rose, but so little light reached the dungeon. Morgana's unsettled sleep had become painful to watch; she was twisting and thrashing about, sending bits of her straw bed across the cell. Malcolm could watch it no more.

"Morgana, Morgana wake up."

"No!" she screamed, not in answer to him but in response to the demon in her dreams.

"Morgana it's just a dream." He remembered having 'conversations' like this in the past, "What ever it is can't hurt you."

"Uther!" she cried.

'Alright,' he thought, 'Maybe it can.' He moved towards the bars that split her cell from his. He reached in and stroked her hand, "Morgana."

She screamed, sitting up suddenly, her eyes wide and frightened.

"It was just a dream Morgana."

She looked at him. It was the man from the night before, the man who had claimed she knew him, "It's never just a dream."

"I don't know what you mean."

She knew she didn't need to explain herself to this man, but she had never spoken to anyone about it; she needed to get it off her chest, "It didn't chose to do magic, the kings ward would be a fool to do so. I was born with the seer's powers. So many nights of my life have been plagued with the most horrific…" The memories were too painful to repeat, "Other things have just, kind of, developed. It started with the dreams though. I promise though, I have never spoken an incantation in my life; I don't know any spells. I was scared for my life and my magic erupted from my body to save me." She paused, thinking, "I don't think that will happen today though. "

"You can wield magic without incantations?" He asked, shocked.

She nodded, "Like I said, I would be an imbecile to actually learn magic in when in Uther's care."

*****

Uther looked out into the courtyard. His heart sunk as he saw the executioner sharpen his axe. Did he really hate magic more than he loved Morgana? Even he couldn't quite answer this question.

He remembered Morgana when she entered this castle ten years ago, beautiful, scared and alone, grieving for her father. He had vowed to take care of her, treat her as his own. She had hated him at first; he was by no means an apt replacement for he father. He had loved the child straight away and was determined to make the troublesome young thing love him too. He felt as though he had lost this aim in recent times and as of yesterday, that love was lost forever.

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**Thanks for reading! And please review!!**


	6. I Should Be Dead By Now

**Hello! Thanks again to Laura Elizabeth for the review! 'Tis much appreciated!**

**Once again I apologise for the length of the chapter (tis one's extra-short!), but I'll try to post chapter seven later tonight!**

**This part doesn't have much Morgana I'm afraid, and I think I wrote this fairly late at night, so apologies if it's a bit rubbish!**

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**Let the Memory Live Again- Chapter Six**

Uther strode around his castle, his head held high. From the reactions he got, he knew that his decision to execute Morgana was not a popular one. They all attempted to hide their disgust, but no one could mistake the looks on their faces. All avoided eye contact, all but Gaius.

He entered the great hall to find his son sitting in Morgana's throne. He looked longingly into the distance thinking only of Morgana.

"My son-"

Arthur flinched at his father's voice. For a split-second he glared at his father before almost running out of the hall.

Gaius went to Uther's side, "Are you sure this is the best decision?"

"Don't question me Gaius, this has to be done." He said half-heartedly.

*****

"I should be dead by now." Morgana had no idea of the time, but she knew that it was growing late. She didn't want to wait any longer; she just wanted it to be over.

"Maybe he has changed his mind?" a prisoner offered.

She shook her head, "Uther's too arrogant to change his mind."

*****

"You can't do it, can you?" Gaius knew his king's heart, "You can't kill her."

Uther sighed, "I must speak to her first."

"You honestly think she'll speak to you? The man who is sending her to her death?"

"I do not seek her forgiveness Gaius, she should seek mine." Uther sat in his throne, staring at the empty hall, "You knew, didn't you? Don't worry, I won't be executing you too."

Gaius sat beside the king in Arthur's throne, " I've treated the girl for ten years, I couldn't not know. My lord, is it not true that you execute people for the choices they have made?"

Uther pondered this, "I suppose it is, yes."

"Then you should not be executing Morgana. The only choice she has made is not to tell you about her magic, and evidently that was a wise one. My lord, she did not choose to have magical powers, she was born with them. It is a rare occurrence for people to be gifted with powers over sorcery, but Morgana is one of them. She was born with the seer's gift."

Uther felt the blood drain from his face, "The nightmares?"

"Yes. Magic has plagued her nights for so many years my lord. Given the choice, I am sure she would have nothing to do with it."

Uther stared down at his shaking hands, "I have done a terrible thing Gaius."

"It is not too late Uther; she doesn't have to die.

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**Thanks for reading! It starts to get quite exciting (in my opinion) in the next chapter, so please stick around to read it!**

**Oh and please please please review!!**


	7. What Difference Does It Make?

**So here it is, Chapter 7 :) I think that this is a rather exciting chapter...Well the first bit of it is anyway!  
**

**Thanks again to Laura Elizabeth! I'm glad that your enjoying the story (even though it seems that no one else is!)!**

**Enjoy this part and please review!**

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**Let the Memory Live Again- Chapter Seven**

_Pain. That's all she could concentrate on; that's all her mind would allow. She heard voice, some familiar, others not._

_The pain died down._

_She glanced around the room. Gwen held her hand, "Well done Morgana, you're doing fantastically."_

_Gaius was stood at the foot of the bed, "Not long to go now."_

_Not long until what?_

_The pain came flooding back and the screams started, "I just want it to stop!" _

"_You're nearly there Morgana!"_

_Nearly where?_

"_I just want it out of me!" she heard herself cry_

_She couldn't cope any longer; it was too much to bear. Then once again, it stopped._

"_When it starts again Morgana, I need you to push for me."_

_She looked down at her bulging stomach and finally she understood._

_She felt the pain once more._

"_Push Morgana!"_

"_You can do it!"_

"_Push!"_

_Everything went dark and dizzy, she couldn't see the world around her but she could hear it; she could hear the soft crying of a newly born baby._

_*****_

With a gasp of cold air she awoke, lying in a pool of her own sweat.

"Morgana? Are you alright?" A prisoner in a neighboring cell asked.

"I'm fine." She nodded breathlessly. She was lying. She was far too hot and she was shaking involuntarily, her throat hurt and her head ached.

Then there was the dream. That vision had been like no other, it had felt so… different.

The guard looked in at her, "You need a physician."

She shook her head, "I'm to die anyway, so what difference does it make if I'm ill?" She sad this before realising that the dream had told her that she wasn't going to die, that she would live on to have a family. Or was she? The dream hadn't felt right, maybe it was inaccurate, maybe it was her brain tricking her into false-hope. But then again, she should have been dead over twenty four hours ago…

*****

"My lord, a guard has just told me that the Lady Morgana has come down with some sickness. Will you allow me to treat her?" Gaius had considered which would be the best way to tackle this situation before deciding that the direct approach would probably be the best.

"She shall get no visitors." Uther said plainly

Gaius' brow furrowed, "Visitors? I'm no visitor, I'm a physician."

"I am well aware of that Gaius. If things had gone to plan we would currently be burying the 'Lady' Morgana. She shall no longer receive preferential treatment meaning that she shall have no access to a physician."

"Right my lord."

*****

"What do think is going to happen?" Gwen sat on Arthur's bed watching Merlin tidy up the chamber. She hadn't had much work to do these past few days.

"I don't know."

Gwen started to chew on her nails, a habit that she had grown out of long ago, "He can't keep her locked up there forever."

Merlin tried not to think too much about what Uther could and couldn't do, "I suppose he can't."

"I mean, if he doesn't execute her, chances are he's going to die before her. That's if this sudden illness doesn't kill her."

"I'm sure she'll be fine."

"She's been through so much Merlin. I can't believe she didn't tell me though; I'm her friend, I could have helped."

"I guess she just wanted to protect you. She would have done anything for you Gwen, you were her closest friend."

"Don't speak like that Merlin!" she spat, "Don't speak as though she's already dead!"

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**So what did you make of the chapter...?**


	8. You've Come At Last

**And all of a sudden- I have reviews!! As ever, thank you to the fabulous Laura Elizabeth who no longer hold the title of 'The Lone Reviewer' thanks to The HongKonger and emerald sorceress. You've all made me very happy!!**

**Once again, apologies for the length (you can look forward to chapter eleven which s over 1000 words!), and I hope you enjoy! I'll try and put Chapter Nine up later tonight.**

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**Let the Memory Live Again- Chapter Eight**

As Morgana lay in that damp cell, her temperature raging and her body aching, she considered the irony of surviving a death sentence only to be killed moments later by a sickness.

She felt all of her magic drain from her body leaving only that one dream behind, the dream of the baby; the dream of _her_ baby. Every time she slept it became more and more vivid leaving her more and more confused. This dream was like no other and she did not understand its prophecy.

Some of the other prisoners watched over her, still feeling respect for the First Lady of Camelot, their would-be Queen, though the man who had woken her from her first dream inside the prison was yet to utter another word to her. A kindly guard brought her damp cloths to soothe her burning body, but still her illness grew worse. Her body grew frail and her mind weak.

*****

Arthur knew his fathers instructions and he knew the punishments for disobeying them, but he had to see Morgana, he had to somehow apologise for his part in her arrest.

He made his way down to the dungeon, sneaking past his father's guards. He didn't know what he would find in the dungeon; everyone now knew that she was ill, though no one quite knew the extent of this sickness.

At first he just saw the long raven hair lying splayed across her body. As he approached her noticed her wafer-thin, even paler than usual. He saw her hollow dark eyes full of fear, her chapped lips moving deliriously. Whatever he had imagined he would see, this was not it; She was a shell, a ghost of the woman he once knew.

"Morgana?" he whispered in shock.

He got no reply, no response, no recognition in her movement.

"Morgana, it's me, it's Arthur!" he said desperately.

"Arthur?" With that name she jumped into action, she used all of the strength in her fragile body to crawl over to where he stood; "Arthur, you've come at last!" a smile appeared across her tired lips.

"I'm so sorry Morgana."

She shook her head softly, "You have nothing to be sorry for, there's nothing you could have done." Her voice was faint and weary.

Tears ran from his eyes, "I could have done something to stop him from arresting you."

She leaned back against the bars, "This was Uther's doing Arthur, there's no way you could have stopped him."

Arthur heard footsteps coming down the corridor; the guard was returning, "I'll get you out of here Morgana, I promise I will."

"I think this sickness may do that sooner than you." She smiled deliriously.

Arthur knew what was coming, "Don't say it Morgana; don't even think it."

"It will get me out of here and into the graveyard."

"I _will_ get you out of here Morgana, and I'll get you out of here alive."

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**Hope you enjoyed! Please keep the reviews coming; I will love you eternally (or something a little less weird)!**


	9. Will History Repeat Itself?

**Hi! Thank you to the ever lovely Laura Elizabeth (I love that phrase too!) for her review along with The HongKonger (I'm very glad that you're anxious to read more!) and LilaMae1 (I really must catch up on your Survivors story; I'm afraid I've been slacking!), you're reviews are very very much appreciated!!**

**This part is a little dark; There's nothing graphic, but some younger readers may want to avoid this part.**

**Once again, apologies for the length!**

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**Let the Memory Live Again- Chapter Nine**

She had lost count of how many days she had spent in that dungeon, of how many nights she had dreamt that dream; all she knew is that she wanted it all to end, and she didn't care how.

A noise; the cell door opening. A guard stepped, a look of menace in his eyes. As he advanced towards her, she saw his goal, "No," she whispered, "Please, God, no." Although she could not see his face, she knew he was smiling.

"You're not Uther's little Princess anymore, _I_ don't have to serve _you _anymore. And do you know what? It feels great!" she felt a sneer.

"Don't do this," her voice was strained, "You don't have to do this."

He stroked her face with his clammy hands, "Oh I know that _Morgana_, but I damn well want to!"

She had no strength to scream, no power within her body to fight back. The guard lifted his chain mail, pulled down her skirt; it had begun.

She lay, emotionless and unfeeling as he moved above her, within her. It somehow felt familiar. She wouldn't let him see her cry. All of her dignity had been stripped away from her, all sense of pride had gone, but she would not give him her tears.

She stared through the crack of light that came through a whole in the top of the cell wall. She imagined being out in the sun once more, happy and well. She got the overwhelming feeling that she would never be happy and well again.

She pictured the baby, so soft and small, lying in her arms, hers forever. Would that dream ever become reality?

His face came close to hers; she felt his sickly breath on her soft skin, "Kill me." She begged, "Kill me and end my suffering. You've had what you want, now give me what I _need_. Please."

The guard ignored her pleading. He gently kissed her navel before pulling his clothes back on. He sneered at the wretch before him before returning to his station as though the last twenty minutes hadn't happened, leaving Morgana naked, shaking in both fear and fever, cold and alone on the dungeon floor.

"Will history repeat itself I wonder?" Malcolm hadn't spoke to her since the first days after she was imprisoned. He got no response from the traumatised Morgana, "Although you may not know what I mean at the moment, one day soon you will understand."

*****

_Sat at her dressing table, Lady Morgana of Camelot was happy and content. She had no worries, no troubles, no reason to be afraid. Staring into the mirror she brushed her long raven hair, when out of the corner of her eye, she spotted the door slowly open._

_"Hello?" she asked._

_Through this door a man dressed in chain mail stepped into her bedchamber, "Hello Lady Morgana."_

"_What is it you want?" she asked, a little bemused._

_He removed his helmet, "You." He grinned, "I want you."_

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**Thanks for reading! Please review, criticism is welcomed!**

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	10. It Was the Past, Your Past

**Hi! You're all going make me so big headed with all this talk of favourite fics! Thank you to Laura Elizabeth, The HongKonger and emerald sorceress! I'm very glad that you're all enjoying the story!  
**

**This chapter is again very short (sorry!). I've repeated the end of the last chapter to make it flow better and I've added an extra line to it to hopefully clear up any confusion (it was definitely a little less consensual than a one night stand!), unless you were talking about the earlier bit, I don't know!  
**

**So here it is:**

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**Let the Memory Live Again- Chapter Ten**

Sat at her dressing table, Lady Morgana of Camelot was happy and content. She had no worries, no troubles, no reasons to be afraid. Staring into the mirror she brushed her long silky hair, when out of the corner of her eye, she spotted the door slowly open.

"Hello?" she asked.

_Through this door a man dressed in chain mail stepped into her bedchamber, "Hello Lady Morgana."_

"_What is it you want?" she asked, a little bemused._

_He removed his helmet, "You." He grinned, "I want you."_

_Her face fell in horror._

*****

"No!" she gasped, waking suddenly, tears burning her eyes, "No it can't be!"

"What?" Malcolm asked, more or less knowing what the answer would be.

"I-I had a dream, I was- I was, well, I was r-raped. I- but- it wasn't the future though…"

Malcolm nodded in agreement, "It was the past, your past."

"But- But surely I would remember?!"

Malcolm lay back casually, "You'd think so, wouldn't you?"

She put two and two together, "The baby?" there was a look of both shock and fear upon her face.

Malcolm didn't say another word.

*****

After weeks of not being able to visit her closest friend, Gwen was finally allowed down into the dungeons. She didn't know what she'd find down there; Arthur had said that she had looked like death. As she approached Morgana's cell, one of the guards seemed to sneer at her. She looked in through the bars to see Morgana lying with only a blanket draped over her skeletal body.

"Oh God Morgana!" she held her hand over her mouth, distressed at the sight of hr friend and mistress lying so helplessly.

Morgana recognised a voice that she had almost given up on hearing again, "Gwen?"

A guard let her into the cell "Yes, I'm here Morgana."

"Oh Gwen!" she burst into floods of tears, "Gwen!"

The maid ran towards the almost unrecognisable Morgana, embracing her skeletal body in her arms, "It's alright Morgana, I'm here, it's going to be alright."

For half an hour Gwen knelt there, Morgana's head on her chest, sobbing until the tears ran dry.

"Can I ask you something?" Morgana's slowly moved her head to look at Gwen's face, "Have I ever had a baby?"

Gwen gasped. She had feared this day for so long, "I-I don't know what you're talking about."

"Please don't lie to me Gwen." Morgana took a painful breath, "Do you know how much it hurts to even talk? I'm in agony Gwen, please relieve the tiniest bit of my suffering by telling me if I have a child in this world."

"I-Morga-Morgana, I- I'm sorry."

"Yes or no?" Morgana demanded.

Gwen gave no answer, "Why do you think you have a child?"

"Do I have a child Gwen? A child that was the result of a-" she struggled to say it, "Of a rape?"

"Time to leave I think." The guard who had given Gwen the dirty look reopened unlocked the cell door.

"I'll come back soon Morgana, I promise."

Morgana once more had to hold back the tears, "Please don't go Gwen."

"I'm sorry Morgana."

She pulled the blanket around her. Her eyes suddenly went vacant, "Gwen…I've been… I've been raped."

Gaius appeared at the guard's side, "Morgana?"

"I know you have Morgana." Gwen shut her eyes, trying to stay strong.

"No Gwen… I was raped _yesterday_."

Gwen was left speechless.

"Oh Morgana." Gaius wasn't a known for his emotions, but when the girl whom he had cared for for half of her life was in such a state as this, he felt a little part of him die inside.

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**I hope you enjoyed it! The appearance from Gaius wasn't totally random, I promise! It made the next chapter a lot easier to write!**

**As always, please review, I'll love you dearly for it!**


	11. You Don't Understand

**Hi everyone! Sorry I've not posted in a few days! Here's a nice long chapter to make up for it!**

**Thank you to Laura Elizabeth and The HongKonger for reviewing!**

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**Let the Memory Live Again- Chapter Eleven**

Morgana turned towards Malcolm, "Please explain it to me."

He looked up at her, "Explain what?"

"You know what." She coughed painfully, "Explain what happened to me and tell me why I don't remember any of it."

"It was the last act of magic that Uther would allow to take place in Camelot. He wiped your memory." He sat up, ready to tell his, or rather her tale, "It was two and a half years ago. It was a normal day in the castle, nothing particularly exciting happening. I was one of Uther's soldiers and I was on guard just down the corridor from your chambers. Like I said, it was a fairly boring day-"

"Please get to the point." She was too tired to deal with all of this waffling.

"Alright; I heard screaming coming from you chambers. I ran in to find… to find a fellow guard… he was on top of you... raping you." he bowed his head at this, not wanting to look into her eyes.

"Go on." Her voice trembled

"I pulled him off you… you were so frightened. Another guard ran and got King Uther and Gaius. Uther carried you into another chamber and your attacker was taken down to the dungeon. Two days later he was hung for 'acts of treason'. Only a handful of people had been told what had actually happened and they had been sworn to secrecy.

"Things went on as normal in the castle, though you were rarely seen around. A few months later, everything changed. As I was one of the few knights who knew of your attack, I, along with a few others, escorted you to an old house on the opposite side of the forest. We weren't told why, but I had worked it out long before I saw the bump."

"Clever you." Morgana said sarcastically. She had often used sarcasm as a defence mechanism.

"So you lived in the house for the next five months or so being cared for by your maid and by Gaius and being visited occasionally by the King. You gave birth to a boy."

"A son?" She smiled feebly

He nodded, "You named him Yvain."

"That's a beautiful name." She carried on smiling, "What happened then?"

"Uther decided it would be best if you did not keep the child and, as far as I am aware, you agreed. You couldn't deal with the pain though, so Uther got a magician he had come across to wipe your memory. Things went back to normal, you had no knowledge of the rape or the child and everyone who knew was threatened with hanging if you were ever told of your misfortunes."

Before this Morgana thought that she couldn't possibly hate Uther more than she already did. She knew now she was wrong.

*****

Gwen and Gaius approached Uther with both nerves and determination.

"My lord, Morgana must be freed." Gaius demanded

Uther glared at them, "What?"

"If you don't, she'll die." Gwen's voice trembled; she knew it wasn't her place to talk to him like that. In fact, it wasn't anyone's place to talk to the king like that.

"My lord, she speaks the truth. The Lady Morgana is close to death and I fear that, should she remain in that dank cell receiving no proper treatment, she _will_ be dead before the week is out." Gaius told the king desperately.

Uther walked away from the pair, struggling with the decision he had to make. Three months ago he had been ready to execute his ward, but now…

Merlin and Arthur stood unnoticed in the corner of the room. The Prince stepped towards his father, making his presence known, "If you let her die Father… She's never done anything to hurt you."

"She's hurt me by betraying me." Uther argued.

"When Edwin Muirden made her sick all those months ago, you were so desperate; You would have done anything to save her! Let me just ask you one thing Father, do you really hate magic more than you love Morgana?" there was silence, "If you let her die then not only would you have lost a daughter, but you'd have lost a son also."

"Arthur, you don't understand!" he wasn't used to arguing with his son. If Arthur ever disagreed with something Uther did or said, he'd just have to put up with it, but this was so different.

"NO FATHER, _YOU_ DON'T UNDERSTAND!" Arthur yelled, his face bright read.

"Neither of you understand!" cried Gwen.

They both turned towards the maidservant, "Go on." Uther lowered his voice, "Why don't we understand?"

Gwen stared into Uther's eyes, "She remembers."

They both instantly knew what she meant, "No, but she can't!" Uther gasped

Gaius nodded, "She does. Her magic and illness combined seems to have affected the spell cast upon her."

"Sorry?" Merlin asked, "I don't understand, what does she remember?"

"A terrible thing happened to the Lady Morgana not so long ago. We thought it best to give her an amnesia potion so that she should forget her pains and suffer no longer." Gaius told him.

"That's a little vague-" Merlin began before being interrupted.

"Father, It's obvious that you care that Morgana remembers what happened to her; you don't want her to feel pain." Arthur saw in his father's expression that he was right, "You allowed magic to be used in order to make her life better; easier to cope with."

"Well you saw the state she was in after she returned to the castle. I couldn't watch her torture herself." Uther seemed to be defending his good actions.

"Because you love her. The daughter you never had." Arthur knew he was getting close to breaking his father, "The daughter you won't have for much longer unless you get her out of that godforsaken place."

It was obvious that Uther was struggling, his head, his heart and his morals all were telling him different things, "I can't," he said, almost in tears, "I can't let her free. I will pay for everything you need Gaius, everything that might make her well again, but I simply cannot let her go."

Gwen shook her head violently, "My lord you have to let her go; you can't let her stay in there!"

"I have made my decision." He said uncomfortably, walking away.

"NO!" she howled.

Uther flinched but ignoring the yell he walked on.

"SHE'S BEEN RAPED AGAIN!" Gwen cried.

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**Duh duh duuuh!**

**Sorry.**

**Cliffhanger!**

**Please review :D**


	12. Until We Are Together Again

**Heeelllllooo! :D**

**Thank you to Laura Elizabeth, The HongKonger and Halogirl810 for your lovely comments :)**

**Sorry about the length of this chapter!**

**

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****Let the Memory Live Again- Chapter Twelve**

"What?"

"Morgana has been _raped_." Gwen sobbed angrily, "Whilst you've been up here, swanning around with your _morals _and your _principles_, your ward has been down in that pit, in agony with some dreadful illness, being crushed, defiled, broken by disgusting creatures whom you employ, all the while trying to deal with memories of a child she never knew existed being ripped out of her arms!"

"She has a child?" Merlin gasped.

"Oh God," Arthur fell to his knees, "Father, I beg you, get her out of that pit."

Uther could hardly speak through shock, anger and guilt, "I… yes, of course… who… who did this to her?"

"I don't know, she didn't say." Gwen whispered.

All five of them were feeling so many emotions; pain, anger, guilt, confusion and joy at Morgana's release.

"Guards!" Uther shouted to the soldiers stood at the edge of the room, "Go down to the dungeon and release my ward."

"Sire?"

"Don't argue, just do it! I don't want her spending another second in that place!" he shouted.

"Sire she can't walk by herself," Gaius told him, "She can hardly move."

"Then she'll have to be carried."

*****

Morgana considered how much longer she should have to stay in this hell until death would come and steal her away. Hours? Days? Weeks even? _Please God don't let it be weeks!_

She could feel each part of her body dying. Her sight became more and more blurred; it hurt to breathe. Living was agony.

If she had the strength, she would move over to the wall and bash her head against it until her skull cracked. If she had the energy, she'd tie a cloth around her neck and hang herself from the cell ceiling until her neck broke. If she had the power she'd find a sharp rock and use it to cut her wrists until the blood rushed out of her veins. But she didn't. She didn't have the strength, the energy or the power to take her own life.

In the distance she heard a baby crying. The sound got closer and closer, louder and louder until all she wanted to do was scream until she drowned out the sound of the infant.

Her mother sat down beside her and cradled her dying daughter's weak frame. A sweet lullaby filled the air, emanating from the mother's soft red lips.

Her father knelt beside her and stroked his beautiful little girl's ghostly white cheek, "Everything will be alright Morgana. We'll get through this, together."

"I'm so scared Papa." She whispered.

"Not long now my darling." He smiled, "Not long now until we're together again."

A salty tear burnt her cheek, "Don't leave me."

"We won't" her mother rocked her back and forth, stroking her raven hair.

"Please stay with me," she cried, "Please stay until I'm sleeping."

Uther appeared at the doorway. Gorlois turned to look at him, "It's not your time yet Morgana. You live your life my sweetheart, then we can be together for always."

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**Of course I didn't steal the penultimate line from Les Miserables! :P**

**Please be a darling and review!** :D


	13. Feeling Guilty?

**How amazing was that episode (Ep 3 for people reading at a later date!)?! I can't get over it's incredible-ness! :D It was just... fantastic! I'm removing all candles from my bedroom tonight!!  
**

**Thank you to Laura Elizabeth for her ever amazing comments, and thank you to BFSF for his/her four comments! :P I'd also like to thank everyone who's added me/the story to their favourites and/or alerted me/the story! :D **

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**Let the Memory Live Again- Chapter Thirteen**

Uther looked down through the bars of the cell at his ward, "How could I do this to you?"

The child was curled up in a sorry ball, quivering through sickness and through cold under a threadbare rug. Her hollow eyes stared through him, unable to register his presence. Weak tears rolled down her drained face, dripping down her neck and bony chest. Her breathing was laboured and uncomfortable and her chest made a rattling sound as it slowly rose up and down. Never had Uther seen such agony in one person.

"She seems to have deteriorated over the last hour or so." Gaius told the king worriedly.

Uther opened the cell and slowly walked towards his adopted daughter, "She's so thin," he bent down beside her, "I'm afraid that she'd break should I touch her."

"You can see her ribs." Merlin hadn't seen Morgana over the last three months and, like most, he was oblivious to the extent of Morgana's sickness.

"Just get her out of here." Arthur had such a look of fear upon his face, fear for Morgana's life.

Uther slowly lifted her frail body, "She's so light. She shouldn't be this light."

"Feeling guilty Father?" Arthur glared at the King. He got no response.

Morgana started to stir; the tiniest flicker of life ran through her eyes, "Mama…Papa…?"

"Hush my child," Uther whispered, "You're safe now."  
"It's very likely that she'll have been suffering from delusions over the past few weeks."

"Delusions of a happier time." Arthur considered how much better off Morgana would be if her parents had lived to bring her up themselves.

"She will be happy again Arthur, one day." Uther told his son.

Arthur sighed, "When she's in heaven with her parents? Father, whether she's happy or not, do you think that, should she make it through this sickness, she will ever love you again?"

*****

Uther carried his ward through the castle. Everywhere they went, people stopped and stared at the king carrying the almost unrecognisable Lady Morgana, the poor girl who had been sentenced to death by her tyrannous step-father just three months ago, the poor child who looked like she was about to die without Uther's help.

Never before had a girl looked so sick than the broken Lady Morgana on what was the anniversary of her father's death.

*****

By morning Morgana's condition had worsened and was closer to death than ever before.

"Arthur, you need to get some sleep." Gwen sat beside the prince, "I'll stay here with Morgana, I promise I won't leave her side."

Arthur shook his head, not taking his eyes off Morgana for a second, "I won't leave her."

"You'll be no use to Morgana if you collapse from exhaustion." Gwen told him, concerned.

Arthur looked up at Gwen, "What use am I anyway? What if she never wakes up Gwen?"

She struggled to look into his eyes, "Don't say that Arthur; we have to stay positive."

"I can't lose her Gwen," his eyes welled up with tears, "Not now. Not ever."

"I know," Gwen couldn't remember ever seeing the prince cry before, "She'll get through this."

"But-" he suddenly burst into floods of tears and didn't even attempt to hide them. He was beyond caring what other people thought.

Gwen put her arm around him, "And if she doesn't get through this, _we_ will. Someday."

"I love her." He whispered through the tears.

Gwen patted his arm in comfort, "I know."

Everyone loved Morgana; Gwen as a sister, Uther as a father, Gaius as a carer and Merlin as a friend, "She can't die without knowing how I feel."

"She's a fighter Arthur, that's how she's made it this far."

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**Thanks for reading! Please review! :D**


	14. You're Here

**Hi! I'm loving all of your comments! Thank you Laura Elizabeth, halogirl810 and The HongKonger :)**

**This is a very short chapter, so my apologies!  
**

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**Let the Memory Live Again- Chapter Fourteen**

Over the days that followed there was very little sign of any improvement. Merlin suggested that 'No news is good news,' and that whilst she's not getting any better, she's not getting any worse either.

She was never left alone in her comatose state. Every morning, the same routine was followed; Gwen would come in to Morgana's chambers and wake Arthur who had fallen asleep in his usual position on the left hand side of the bed at some point in the early hours of that morning; Gaius would soon come in, followed by Merlin; the physician would check for any changes in the girls condition before shaking his head and giving a sorry look to Morgana's visitors; he would then leave, promising he'd be back in an hour. For that hour Gwen and Merlin would sit with Arthur by the beauty's side.

Upon his return, Gaius would usher out the two men out of the room before checking over the king's ward more thoroughly, keeping an eye on the wounds obtained during her attack. Gwen would change her nightgown and Arthur was sent back in whilst Merlin went and carried out some of his duties.

The king never ventured into the chamber out of respect for his son and stepdaughter, though he often stood by the door, looking in at the children of whom he had lost the love of. It wasn't often that he felt guilty. It was rare that he avoided people. As the king, Uther was _always right. _He didn't have to answer to anyone. The only time he had felt that he owed something to someone was when he sent Gorlois into battle that day. He had failed his promise to his old friend by such a large degree… He'd failed Gorlois, he'd failed his son, he'd failed everyone whom he had ever loved and who had ever loved his ward, he'd failed his kingdom. He had failed Morgana.

*****

He sat there staring. For hours he just looked at his love laid out before him. Were her cheeks looking a little brighter today? Did she look any less frail? It was hard to tell.

He looked through the open window at the court and the kingdom beyond it. People were getting about their daily business, selling goods, buying food. Beggars lined the streets struggling to stay alive; Soldiers marched out to war, not knowing if they'd return. In Arthur's eyes, the poor were no longer wretched and the soldiers were no longer fearless. Merchants were now con men and this land was worthless, pointless.

"Arthur?" a soft Irish lilt came from the bed beside him.

His head snapped round, "Morgana?!"

She slowly opened her eyes, squinting in the daylight, "Arthur." She gave a weak smile.

He laughed in joy; never before had he felt so happy and relieved, "You're going to be alright Morgana! Everything's going to be fine!"

She slowly took in her surroundings, "I'm not in the dungeon anymore?"

"Don't you remember? Father let you out." He could hardly bear to mention the king in a moment as joyful as this.

She coughed feebly, "I thought it might have been a dream."

Arthur smiled, "You're here. You are here and you are alive Morgana."

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**Now I've got to get back to my history coursework! :(**

**Oh and I've reached 10,000 words, though this includes the A/N's, so I'll let you know when I've properly reached 10,000 words! :D  
**


	15. My Reputation

**Hi! A nice longish chapter for you today (According to Microsoft Word's word count it's 972 words long, but according to 's word count it's 1,029 words long...)!**

**Anyways, thank you to Laura Elizabeth, emerald sorceress, The HongKonger and halogirl810 for your lovely reviews! I'm glad that you're all enjoying the fic! :)**

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**Let the Memory Live Again- Chapter Fifteen**

As Morgana looked around her chamber, she knew she was loved. Arthur sitting to her left, Gaius to her right with Merlin stood to the side of him and Gwen looked on from the foot of the bed. Members of the court came in from time to time in order to wish her well.

She looked into Arthur's eyes and she saw his love for her. She also saw his guilt and she knew that one day soon she would have to approach the subject of that guilt. She was frightened of what she would hear,

"You all knew didn't you?" she watched for the instant reactions in Gwen's, Gaius' and Arthur's eyes. They had feared this moment just as much as her. She turned to Arthur, "You knew and you kept it from me."

"We were trying to protect you." Arthur bowed his head.

She looked towards the still slightly bemused Merlin, "Will you bring Uther to me please?"

He nodded and left.

There was a deafening silence.

Five long minutes later, Uther slowly entered the chamber to the glares of those who were in it. Even Gaius, the man who had supported him through so many hard years, had a hint of hatred upon his face. It pained him to see that Morgana did not have a look of hatred upon her face. He knew that he deserved hatred from her.

"Would you like us to leave?" Gwen asked her friend.

"Thank you." She nodded. As Arthur stood up to leave, she grabbed his arm, "Not you. Please stay."

"Of course." He went and stood at the edge of the room.

As Gaius shut the door behind him, Uther moved towards the bed, "You're looking better; there's more colour in your cheeks."

"I am not well yet; but I will be." She was determined not to show any emotion towards him, something that was very hard for a woman of her nature.

"The reason for you wanting to see my Morgana?"

"I…Why…I just…" she knew what she needed to say, but the words just wouldn't come out of her mouth.

"Morgana, I-" Uther broke off. He had never really been one for apologies.

"The baby." She couldn't look into his eyes, "You took my baby away from me and made me forget all about him."

He took a deep breath, "I was trying to do-"

"What you thought was best for me, I know." She was already tired of hearing that excuse, "He was my baby!" she cried, unable to hide her emotions any longer, "He was my son!"

Uther sat down beside her, "You chose to give him up Morgana! You don't remember what it was like Morgana, watching you day after day killing yourself inside. You hardly spoke to anyone; you spent every single day just crying. You were a mess."

She bit her trembling lip, "I can't quite believe that it was my choice to... to abandon him."

"You hated the thing inside of you. When we took away your memories, you knew nothing of the past nine months. You were so happy, so peaceful. You were no longer the tormented soul that you had become."

"That's not an excuse Uther! Surely you knew that there was a chance that I'd one day remember?" She got no reply. She looked towards Arthur, "What part did you play in all of this?"

"I didn't really… When you went away, I stayed in Camelot. A few months later, you came back."

"Did I still have all of my memories?"

He nodded, "Yes."

"But I didn't have my son." She stated this rather than asked it.

"People couldn't find out that you had a bastard child." Uther said.

She laughed, "Why? Because it would ruin my reputation?!"

"If people found out that you were impure... you knew all of this Morgana!"

She shook her head in disbelief, "So you _did _do this to protect my reputation! You didn't care about _me!_ If the lords of this land found out that the king's ward had _betrayed_ God…!"

"No man would touch you with a barge pole." Arthur said bluntly.

"So nicely put Arthur." Suddenly she calmed down; a dark look replaced the angry one in her eyes.

"What is it?" Arthur asked.

"What if…" Morgana whispered, "What if I'm with child again?"

Uther shook his head, "You're not."

"There is no way that you can be sure of that! It's only been just over a month since it happened."

"If you are bearing a child, the you and I shall get married and we shall tell the world that your child is mine." Arthur knelt beside her.

"Arthur!" Uther exclaimed.

"I'm being serious!" he stood, facing his father, "She can't be hidden away again; she can't give up her baby again! You saw what she was like last time; walking about the place with that catatonic look in her eyes. You can't do that to her."

A weak voice, came from the bed beside them, "Arthur? You would do that for me? That would mean that this child, if it exists at all, could one day be king. You'd be lying to a nation."

"I don't care!" he laughed, "Don't you see Morgana, I don't care! I only care about you and nothing else matters!"

"What?" she gasped

"Surely you've noticed? I've barely left your side in the twenty-one days since you were freed! I love you!"

She gave a bemused smile. She looked into his eyes and he knew that his words were true. In the last few seconds she had seen more conviction and more passion from the young prince than she had ever dreamt of seeing.

Uther took this as his cue to leave.

"No!" she exclaimed, "Before you go, tell me one thing. Where is my son?"

"Sorry?"

"Where is Yvain?"

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**Please review, I will love you all very muchly!**

**Now for me to choose; history coursework or fan fic... hmmmm :P**


	16. His Eyes

**Hellloo! :D Thank you Laura Elizabeth, The HongKonger (You'll find out soon enough :P ), Hotspur and Halogirl810 for your lovely reviews that always brighten up my day :D**

**Another fairly long chapter for you :)**

**Enjoy!**

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**Let the Memory Live Again- Chapter Sixteen**

"Where is Yvain?" her gaze burned Uther's eyes.

He shook his head, "That doesn't concern you now."

"_Doesn't concern me?!_" she could hardly believe her ears. She slowly got out of bed, her legs struggling to hold her upright after having not being used for months, "How could this not concern me?!"

"Morgana, please lie back down, you're not strong enough." Arthur begged.

"Strength comes from the heart Arthur." She turned to Uther, "I will ask you once again Uther, where is my son?" she got no answer, "If you won't do it for me, do it for Yvain. He has a right to know who his mother is."

Uther was resilient, "No Morgana, it would be best if you didn't know."

"Since when have you cared about what's best for me? You take my child from me and make me forget his existence; when I most need your help you lock me up and threaten to kill me; when you find out that I could be dying, you leave me to rot. You don't give a damn about me Uther Pendragon, and you can't argue otherwise." She finally had to sit back in bed.

Uther took a deep breath, "Morgana, I…" he stopped.

"You can't say it can you? You can't say that you're sorry!" She laughed a tired laugh.

"You wanted him gone as much as I did. You said that every time you looked in his eyes you saw your attacker. You hated the infant!" He turned to Arthur, "The banquet starts in an hour Arthur, you will be there." He left without another word.

"Morgana…" Arthur he didn't know quite what to say.

She stared at the door that Uther had just stormed out through, "Is it true? Did I hate him? My own child, did I hate him?"

"I wasn't there, I'm sorry. Perhaps he's right; perhaps it would be best if you tried to forget about him," he couldn't even look at his hurt love as he spoke these words, "I should go. To the banquet I mean." Arthur felt ashamed of himself; he didn't want Morgana to get her son back, it would only cause him trouble. He couldn't marry a woman with a bastard son! The entire land would disapprove, "Gwen should be back soon. Try and get some rest."

"_His eyes… he has my eyes." A tired voice escaped from her lips. She looked down at the tiny child, wide-awake in her arms._

_Gwen stroked her shoulder, "Perhaps you should give him to me now Morgana; you need to get some rest."_

_Morgana gave an involuntary yawn in response, as if to prove her maidservant and friends point, "I could stare at him all day. He is the one good thing to come from this terrible situation, the one good thing to come from my life."_

_Gwen nodded guiltily, "I know."_

_She noticed the strange look in her friend's eye, "What is it Gwen? Why are you looking at me like that?"_

_The door suddenly flung open, two guards came through, followed by the king._

_Gwen ran in front of them, "You said you'd wait until she was sleeping."_

"_The sooner we get this over with the better." Uther told her with a different look of guilt in his own eye._

"_What's going on?" she drew her son to her chest protectively._

_Uther struggled to look at her, "We both know that you can't keep this child Morgana."_

_She gasped, "What do you mean?! Uther he's my baby!"_

"_You're seventeen years old Morgana!" He moved towards her_

_She felt her grip tighten, "There are plenty of mothers out there younger than I."_

"_But those girls aren't unmarried nobles Morgana. You know that this is the right decision._

"_No! No, I will not let you take Yvain away from me!" her mind was filled with confusion and the strong motherly instinct to protect her child._

_Uther's men moved to either side of the bed, "Lets make this as easy and painless as possible Morgana."_

"_Easy and painless?!" she turned to Gwen, "You knew about this?!"_

_Gwen bowed her head, "I'm sorry." She murmured._

"_Give me the boy Morgana." He reached over to her._

"_No!" she had nowhere to turn, "NO!"_

_Uther tried to take the slightly distressed infant from it's mothers arms, "Please Morgana, we both know how this is going to end." For the first time he looked into her eyes. He saw fear, confusion and love._

_She saw vicious determination and a man who believed that he was doing the right thing, "Please." Her grip softened_

_He withdrew the child from her arms._

_He began to cry for his mother._

_He was carried out of the room._

"_NO!" she screamed, "UTHER! YVAIN!"_

_Gwen moved over to her, "My lady. Morgana,_

"_GET OUT!" she shrieked, tears streaming down her face. How could her friend betray her like this?_

_With another mumbled apology, the maid left the room._

_Morgana screamed until her throat was so hoarse that barely a sound would come from it. Her tears ran dry, her cheeks and dress sodden._

_"Yvain."_

*****

Arthur looked around the hall at all of the nobles, each one of them full of merriment with not a care in the world. How he envied them. He looked over to his father, "You actually seem to be enjoying yourself."

"Hush Arthur. This isn't the time or the place." Uther told him whilst raising his glass to a lord across the hall.

"And if you had your way, it never would be." Arthur was finding it a lot harder than his father to pretend that everything was all right.

"If I had my way Arthur, then none of this would have happened in the first place." He turned to the court and commanded silence, "Lords, ladies, I thank you for joining me on this evening. Now, I know that many of you are concerned about the health of the Lady Morgana. I am very pleased to inform you all that-"

With a sudden crash the heavy wooden doors flew open with an inhuman force, "YOU LIED!"

The room fell silent. Every head was turned towards the angry, frail young woman, stood in her nightgown, glaring at the King.

"Morgana!" Uther exclaimed

She stormed down the column of tables, the occasional plate and glass flying from its owner and smashing against the wall. She was just a few metres away from him when she stopped; she knew that if she got any closer then she would find it incredibly difficult not to claw his eyes out, "His eyes."

Uther noticed looked into her own, red with tears, "Morgana, you're obviously still feverish, Merlin will escort you back to your chambers." He gestured to the boy who stepped towards the tables.

"No! I am not feverish and you are a liar!" she shouted.

Uther stood up, "Morgana, this is not the way you speak to your king! Stop making a spectacle of yourself and return to your chambers!"

She laughed, "_Stop making a spectacle of myself?! _ Do you honestly think that I care what anyone around here thinks? Do you honestly think that at this moment in time I care about anyone but my son?!"

There were gasps and sudden whisperings from around the room.

"SILENCE!" Uther boomed, "The girl is delusional! GUARDS!"

"So what, are you going to throw me in the dungeons again, leave me to die, leave me to be _raped_?!" this inspired further gasps and mumblings, "Or are you going to tell me why you literally ripped my son out of my arms before telling me that it was my own choice?"

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**I'm not entirely happy with the stuff that came after the dream, but I hope you enjoyed anyway!**

**I don't think that there's very long to go until the end of this story; I'm halfway through writing chapter eighteen it's definitely heading towards the conclusion :) I'll leave you guessing as to whether it will be a happy or a sad one (I've finally made mind up about which it will be!)!**


	17. I Don't Care What They Think Of Me

**Sorry for the delay! Thank you to Laura Elizabeth (gotta love those creepy Merlin Babies!), Hotspur (You'll have to wait and see!), The HongKonger (He sure does!) and halogirl810 ( :D ) for your lovely reviews.**

**Apologies for length (and for the occasional cliché)!**

**Enjoy!**

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**Let the Memory Live Again- Chapter Seventeen**

Stunned silence filled the great hall of Camelot. The eyes of the court were set upon the Lady Morgana, a girl who had not been seen for three long months. During those dark weeks, everybody lived in denial; nobody wanted to think of the lovely Lady Morgana down in the dungeons with the rats. They now realised that it wasn't only rats that the child had to contend with.

"Well?" she asked. They saw the pain and anger in her eyes and they knew that the King was to blame. She looked as though she would keel over at any moment though the look of determination told them that she would bring the city down to get answers.

"I don't think that this is quite-"

"JUST ANSWER MY QUESTIONS!" she screamed desperately, "I don't care about what the rest of Camelot thinks of me, I don't care if this is bringing embarrassment to you, give me the answers that I so badly need!"

Uther broke eye contact with Morgana, "My ward and I need some time alone to discuss matters; I would be grateful if you leave us for a moment."

"Stop trying to procrastinate and just tell me where my son is."

Gwen ran into the room, "Morgana! Morgana, Yvain is-"

"Don't you even speak his name!" she glared at the girl whom she thought was her friend.

"I don't understand." Gwen said as people stared to file out of the Great Hall.

"You knew that they were going to take him and you did nothing!" she cried, "I thought I could trust you Gwen."

"I'm so sorry Morgana." Gwen cried.

"Don't you dare cry Gwen! You have no idea of the hell I've been through over these past few months. I can still smell the guard's stench on my skin. It burns Gwen."

"I'm sorry!"

"You were the only person in the world that I thought I could trust," Arthur looked hurt at this, "I loved you like a sister Gwen."

"And I you." Gwen sobbed, "I still do Morgana!"

"Then why did you let them take my baby?!" she cried.

"You wanted him gone!" Uther exclaimed.

Morgana laughed, "Do you honestly think that I'd be in here now if I believed that? You told me that when I looked into his eyes I only saw my attacker. You told me that when I looked into his eyes, I felt hatred!" The lights in the room began to flicker, "I remember looking into his eyes and thinking that the world was wonderful once more. I remember looking into his eyes and feeling such strong love for my little baby boy, but you took him away from me regardless." the calm anger chilled the observers to the bone.

A roll of thunder shook the castle.

"I…I…" Uther began, "I wanted to protect…"

A flash of lightening illuminated the room for an instant.

"Protect what?" she asked, knowing what the answer would be.

Uther took a deep breath, "Your reputation."

Although this wasn't news to her, the words coming out of the king's mouth still seemed to shock her, "Finally, we get to the truth."

The heavens suddenly opened, rain hit the window with an alarming amount of force.

Uther looked into his daughter's eyes and he finally saw the pain she felt, "What have I done to you?"

"Quite frankly," she said slowly, "you've killed me. A large part of me is so very dead and it will never be resurrected thanks to you."

"What can I do?" he seemed truly remorseful.

"You know the answer to that." She stared into his eyes.

He nodded, "I will contact Yvain's carers."

Morgana smiled.

The rain softened.

* * *

**:)**

**It may be a while before I post the next part as I haven't yet finished writing it, so I'll apologise in advance for the delay! It is probably going to be a longer chaper though (At the moment it's over 1,500 words). :)**


	18. This Could Break Her

**Hi everyone! I hope you're all well! Thank you to Laura Elizabeth, The HongKonger and Hotspur for your wonderful reviews!**

**This chapter's a long'un, so enjoy!**

* * *

**Let the Memory Live Again- Chapter Eighteen**

Arthur looked across the room at Morgana and for once he didn't feel fear. Not that he had ever been scared of her, but for such a long time he had felt scared for her. Of course he was worried about how meeting her son would affect her, but it felt good not to fear for her life.

He watched her pacing up and down the hall in anticipation of meeting her son for the very first time.

"What if he hates me?" she asked, fiddling with her hair.

Arthur laughed, "He's two years old Morgana." He went over to her, "You should sit down, you don't want to wear yourself out before he's even arrived."

She started to chew her nails, "What if she hates me, the woman who's been looking after him."

Arthur put his hand on her shoulder comfortingly, "What does it matter?"

"Uther hasn't told her what's going on, she had no idea that she's been looking after the son of the king's ward." She sat down, "She doesn't really know why she's bringing him here."

"It's going to be alright Morgana." He decided that it was about time to approach a tender subject, "Morgana… Morgana, I need to ask; are you… do you know if you're… with child…?"

Morgana took a deep breath before answering, "No. No I'm not." She smiled half heartedly, remembering the event's that had led up to that question being asked, "I'm sure you're glad to hear that you won't have to marry me!"

Arthur nodded, "Yeah. Thank goodness." He said dryly

"Arthur…"

"It was my idea in the first place Morgana; I wouldn't have offered if I didn't…" he broke off.

"Oh Arthur." Morgana saw the expression in his eyes, "Perhaps… perhaps when this is all over, when everything's alright again, maybe can think about, you know, me and you."

Arthur felt like he was a nervous teenager again, "You mean, you feel the same way?

"I have absolutely no idea at the moment Arthur, I'm so messed up right now. When everything's calmed down again and I have Yvain back with me, who knows what I'll feel." She smiled.

Arthur was worried about that last sentence, "Morgana, this is very early days you know, you haven't even met the boy yet."

"It's all going to be alright Arthur, I can feel it."

*****

Morgana had been waiting in the Great Hall for what had felt like a lifetime. Arthur, Gwen, Merlin and Gaius were all stood within a close range of her, nervous about how events would unfold.

Uther stood a few metres back, not wanting to get in the way of his children. He looked at Morgana, and he knew he had lost her forever and it was his fault entirely. From now on he would try and do what was best for her whatever the consequences; he could no longer be friends with her, be a beloved guardian, but he could protect her by any means necessary.

A guard entered the room. Morgana held her breath, Arthur and Uther sat down in their thrones "My lords and lady, Miss Alice and Master Yvain."

A kind-looking woman entered the grand room with a rather bewildered look upon her face. She had never ventured into the heart of Camelot before, having lived all of her thirty-five years in an outlying village, she had never seen such grandeur.

"Please," the king called from the opposite end of the hall, "Come closer."

As Alice moved towards the king she looked at the people surrounding him; the prince, sat on his throne next to his father; A woman whom she could only assume was the Lady Morgana was stood behind a third throne, her knuckles glowing white, her dark, nervous eyes bearing down at the child she was carrying in her arms.

"Alice, thank you very much for coming," Uther smiled in a rather unsettling way, "We all appreciate it very much."

"It's… my pleasure." Alice was getting increasingly nervous, "This is about my son isn't it?"

"Yvain." Morgana whispered.

"You were the ones who brought him to me weren't you?" Alice clutched the infant tightly, giving Morgana a suspicious look

Uther nodded, "A knight told me that you had been having problems conceiving, but that you were a good woman with a good husband and you deserved a child. I had him take the baby to you with the money."

"And for that I thank you from the bottom of my heart my lord, but I do not know what you want with me and my son now-"

"He's not your son!" Morgana suddenly burst out.

"Morgana!" Uther snapped, "She knows very well that he's not her son."

"He's yours, isn't he?" her gaze hadn't left Morgana since she had spoken her son's name.

Morgana was shaking, "It wasn't my choice to give him away…please, I just want to spend some time with my child."

"He's not you child, he hasn't been since the day he was born."

Morgana struggled not to cry, "Please, lets go somewhere a little more private."

*****

"Mama," Yvain spoke, "Mama, who's this?"

"This is Morgana." Alice glared at her, her arms still clamped around the infant's small body.

"Can I… can I hold him?" Morgana asked nervously

Alice thought about it for a moment before putting Yvain in her arms, "Are you going to give Morgana a cuddle honey?"

Yvain nodded.

Morgana gasped as he put his podgy little arms around her. It was her son, here, in her arms, her son! It was so difficult to believe that this tiny little being came from inside of her, "Is he small for his age?"

"That's… that's a rather peculiar question! Of all the things you could ask...?"

Morgana shrugged, the biggest, most bewildered smile on her face. Yvain looked up at her and smiled back.

Both of the child's mothers felt a tear form in the back of their throat when they saw the instant connection.

"He's so beautiful."

'_Like his mother_' Alice thought sadly, "Yes. He is. And if when you were asking if he was small you were trying to suggest that I hadn't been looking after him well-"

"No, not at all!" her gaze left Yvain for the first time, "I did not mean to offend."

Alice was getting worked up, "Of course he has not grown up these past two years surrounded by all the wealth that is perhaps due to him, but I've tried my best, I'm working hard to give him a good start in life, but it's hard! After his father died… it's been hard."

"I'm sorry. I didn't realise that your husband had passed. Did Uther not give you money to care for him?" Morgana found herself playing with the child's soft raven hair.

"Yvain was very sick in his first year; his medicines cost a lot. The herbs and the like." Alice looked down to the ground

Morgana ran her finger along his rosy cheek, "Poor thing. And that's why he's small?"

Alice nodded, "But he's fine now."

Morgana smiled.

For the next two hours Morgana played with Yvain, trying to find out everything about him from both Alice and the boy himself. She lapped up every new piece of information until she found out everything from his sleeping patterns to when he started teething and his first word. Arthur, Gwen and Merlin looked on at the scene, the euphoric look on their dear friend's face filling them with glee.

"If you care about him so much, why did you give him up in the first place?" Alice inquired.

Suddenly the broad grin left Morgana's face, "I didn't chose to abandon my son."

She sat down on a chair and watched Yvain play with a rag doll that had once belonged to Morgana herself.

"You're about to blame the king, aren't you?" she almost sneered

"You haven't noticed a lack of unmarried noblewomen with bastard children?" Morgana gave a dark laugh, "I had no choice in the matter."

"You chose to do the act that resulted in this bastard child."

She shook her head, staring wildly at her son, holding back the tears, "Again, I had no choice in the matter. I was all but a child myself!"

"How old were you? Seventeen, eighteen?" Alice asked, "I have known many women married and with children at the age of fifteen! Just because you are of noble blood-"

"I'm sorry?! You have absolutely no knowledge of what has happened in my life; you think that because I am the king's ward I have always had everything handed to me on a plate, that I have never been troubled with anything, that my life is easy! Well you're wrong!" this strong, forceful outburst was accompanied by a flurry of tears, "You have absolutely no right to judge me!"

Alice looked into the young woman's eyes and saw not only her son, but such pain too.

"Morgana." Uther had appeared at the door, "I think that perhaps it is time for Alice and her son to leave now."

Morgana turned away from the king, "Please Alice, don't take him away from me, not yet."

"I'm sorry," Alice whispered, picking up the infant, "Say goodbye to Morgana."

"Bye bye." The raven-haired child waved his tiny little hand.

"Goodbye Yvain." Morgana wiped the tears away from her eyes, struggling to cope.

*****

Alice stood in the courtyard, waiting for Uther's carriage to arrive in order to take her back home. She looked up at the castle and saw Morgana staring out from her window, her eyes so hollow.

"You know, I don't ever think I've seen Morgana as happy as she was when she held that child in her arms." Arthur came up behind her.

Alice bowed her head.

"She has had to deal with so much recently. This could break her."

Alice looked up at the prince, "I'm sorry my lord, but I had no idea why I was coming here today! I have no knowledge of the hardships that the Lady Morgana has faced in her life, I just know that she abandoned her son!"

He shook his head, "No she didn't, she had no choice in the matter. My- my father pried that baby from her arms."

"What?" this was the first that Alice had heard of this; it had simply been too painful for Morgana to repeat.

"She was _raped. _A man employed by my father _raped_ her. She fell pregnant and when the child was born the king thought it best that her son should be taken away from her, that she should forget his existence."

Alice looked down at the child, "She didn't chose to give him up? She wanted him all along."

"Didn't you see that in her eyes?"

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**I hope you enjoyed!**

**Again, it might be a while before the next part as I've only written 200 words of it.**

**This is completely random, but can I just ask; does anyone else find fan fics written about the actors rather than the characters really creepy? I've never read any, but some come with warnings of 'extreme smut'! I'd be so freaked out if I were one of the actors!**

**Anyways, bye bye until next time!**


	19. One Day

**Hi! Thank you to halogirl810 and The HongKonger for your great reviews :) Also, thank you to everyone who has added the story to their favourites etc recently!**

**A short chapter for you here! There's not long to go now, I've not finished writing it yet, but I'd say it'll take 2-3 more chapters to wrap it up!**

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**Let the Memory Live Again- Chapter Nineteen**

Alice looked down at the sleeping child before her. She considered how her feelings for him had changed since the death of her husband. Things had been hard; she was struggling. She missed her husband; he had been everything to her. When he died Alice's world fell apart. Nothing was the same as before. She resented Yvain for not being her real son, for not being a real part of her husband. Richard didn't live on in him, he couldn't possibly.

She knew that things would be better for Yvain living with the royal family; she knew that Morgana could give so much more to him than she could. She had seen the love in her eyes.

Alice had always felt like she had deserved the child as his real mother obviously didn't love him enough, but this clearly wasn't the case. After all of the pain that Yvain had caused for Morgana, she still wanted him, loved him, needed him more than anything in the world. What right did Alice have to keep him away from her?

The question was, could Alice possibly live without him, could she bear to give him up? Of course she no longer loved him as much as she once did, and perhaps she didn't love him enough, but she loved him all the same.

*****

Since Alice and Yvain's visit, Morgana had barely spoken a word to anyone. She avoided everyone, even Arthur who had made vain attempts at trying to get through to her. Once again she was a ghost like figure, though she was no longer bed bound so spent much of her time floating around the dusty castle.

Everyone was again terrified for her, though this time it was more to do with her mental state than her physical one.

Arthur found her sitting on a window ledge in a lonely corridor, "Morgana, you can't go on like this."

"I need him." She whispered.

He sat down beside her, "I know."

"I'm so tired Arthur." She lay down, resting her head on his lap.

He slowly began to stroke her soft hair, "One day… one day things will be alright."

"Tell me about it," she said, gently closing her eyes, "Tell be about the day when everything will be alright."

He looked out of the window wistfully, "It will be a day when I rule this land and you are allowed to use the magic that runs through your veins. It will be a day when you and I are truly together. It will be a day when Yvain is in your arms again and when we have children of our own."

She looked up at him smiling, "You think that far ahead?"

He nodded, "Of course."

"You'll be a great father." She sat back up, "To Yvain and to the children that we'll create together."

Arthur looked into her lonely eyes, "You really want us to be together then?"

"I… I think so, yes. Not until I have Yvain back though, that comes first and foremost." She stood up slowly, looking away from the prince.

"Why aren't you doing anything… active to get him back?" Arthur asked.

She started to walk away, "If I thought that it would be any use..."

*****

Morgana sat in her chambers, cloths hung in front of the windows to block out the light. She focused on the bowl that stood on her nightstand, her arm held out to it. With a flick of her wrist flashes of blue lightening sprang from her fingertips, obliterating the ceramic bowl for good.

There was a gasp from the doorway. Morgana's head span round, "Gwen?!"

"What are you doing Morgana?" She looked sympathetically at her mistress, "Do you honestly think that _this_ is going to help get Yvain back?"

Morgana looked away, "I don't know. I can't just sit back and do nothing, that's not me Gwen, you know that!"

Gwen went over to the windows, "I know Morgana." She reached out to the heavy cloths.

"Leave them!" she shouted.

Gwen moved away, "It's so dark in here."

"Darkness seems to be my only friend these days." She whispered.

"I'm still here for you Morgana."

"If you were my friend then you wouldn't have let Uther take my baby." She went over to cleanup the mess she had just made.

"I hope that you realise how much we all love you Morgana. It's breaking Arthur's heart seeing you like this Morgana." She instantly knew that this was a bad thing to say."

Morgana glared at her, "So what, you expect me to just get over Yvain? To forget that he's out there somewhere with a stranger when he should be here with me? When he should have always been here with me?" And with that she retreated back into silence.

"I'm sorry Morgana, I know how much you're hurting right now and I wish that I could make it easier for you." She finished tiding up the remains of the ceramic bowl before sitting down on Morgana's bed beside her, "Blowing up dishes isn't going to help Morgana, I mean what do you expect to do with magic like that? What, are you going to torture Uther until he tells you where Alice and Yvain live?" she went to leave, stopping at the door, turning around to give Morgana one last apologetic look, "Goodbye Morgana."

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**I hope you enjoyed it! **

**Oh, please check out my new Merlin/Morgana one-shot 'Alone?'! :)**

**Thanks!**


	20. Everything Will Be Alright

**Hi All! Thank you so much for all of the reviews (that's for my recent one-shot too!)! Laura Elizabeth, Halogirl810 and The HongKonger, you are fantastic! :P**

**Okay, I can tell you that in total there will be twenty-two chapters. I've now more or less finished writing it and I'm very very sad that it will be ending soon! Lol!  
**

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**Let the Memory Live Again- Chapter Twenty**

Arthur sat at the foot of Morgana's bed, watching his love toss and turn in the grip of another terrible nightmare. He hadn't actually known the power of Morgana's dreams until fairly recently, but he had always known that she had terrible nightmares.

Gaius entered the room, "It's that time again I'm afraid. Do you want to wake her up or shall I?"

Arthur sighed, "I will," he said reluctantly, "I just can't believe she's sick again."

"Lets just concentrate on getting her better." Gaius pulled the lid off the bottle of foul-smelling medicine he was carrying.

"Is that really going to do any good if she herself doesn't want to get better? She's given up Gaius, she doesn't want to live in a world where she can't be with her son." He slowly moved over to Morgana and started to gently wake her.

"Let me sleep." She whispered.

Gaius moved towards the pair, "It's time for your medicine I'm afraid."

She pulled a face, "I don't want it."

"Please Morgana!" Arthur begged, "I've nearly lost you before, I can't go through that again! Even if you won't take your medicine, will you please just eat a little something?"

She shook her head, "I'm sorry Arthur."

"When I am king, we can get Yvain back!" he promised

"I can't wait that long Arthur! The pain of being without him, it's too much to bear!"

"Oh Morgana. I love you so much, and I know that my love doesn't matter to you at the moment, but please, don't do this to yourself!" he pleaded.

Morgana turned away from the prince, "I would rather die tonight than spend the next few years without Yvain."

*****

"Father, things can't go on like this!" Arthur strode into his father's chambers, "Morgana is going to end up killing herself if things don't change soon!"

Uther stood with his arms folded, "Oh don't be ridiculous Arthur!" he laughed.

"Father this is not a laughing matter." He said forcefully.

"You can't die of a broken heart Arthur." Uther moved out of his chambers and into the corridor.

"It's not just her heart that's broken father, you have destroyed every fibre of her being! She won't eat, she won't get out of her bed, she barely talks to anyone!" Arthur argued angrily.

"I will not take all of the blame for this Arthur!" Uther shouted.

Arthur walked off, "You are not one of the monsters who raped her, but you have hurt her much more than they ever did."

"Arthur, wait!" Uther came after him.

The prince turned around, "I just wish to write Alice a letter, if you would only tell me where they live…"

"I don't know if that is your true intention, but I will tell you; they live in the village of Lathien. It lies between the White Mountains and the Valley of Fallen Kings."

Arthur smiled, "Thank you father."

*****

"_They live in the village of Lathien. It lies between the White Mountains and the Valley of Fallen Kings."_

Morgana's eyes flickered open, she hadn't been asleep had she? She had a feeling that those words hadn't even been a premonition.

"Lathien." She whispered to herself. With that she felt all strength return to her body. The determination to get her son back overruled the power of her self-induced illness.

*****

"Merlin!" Arthur ran through Gaius' chambers and into his servants bedroom, "Merlin get dressed and meet me in the courtyard with three horses."

"What?" Merlin asked through sleepy eyes, "Why? Where are we going? Who's the third horse for?"

"We're going to Lathien, you, me and Gwen." He said frantically.

Merlin sat up, still fairly dazed, "Lathien? Where's that?"

"It's where Morgana's son lives. She's gone there alone Merlin, she left a note. Now hurry up!"

*****

"How long do you think it will take?" Gwen asked as the three friends mounted their horses.

"I'm not sure, Lathien is a good distance away from the city." Arthur started to lead them out of the castle gates.

"I've packed enough food to last us for a day or two." Gwen said nervously. None of them wanted to talk about what they'd face one they had reached the distant village.

"She'll be fine Arthur." Merlin comforted the prince, "Before you know it we'll be on our way back here with Morgana safe and well."

Arthur gripped the reins tighter, "I know. Everything will be alright."

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**Thank you for reading :) **

**Keep the reviews coming, I love them very muchly!**


	21. What Are You Saying?

**So this is it, the penultimate chapter!!Thank you to Halogirl810, Foxie Roxie, The HongKonger and FirechildSlytherin5 for your great reviews :) I now have exactly 50 reviews which is, you know, pretty cool! You're all awesome people! :D**

**So here goes...**

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**Let the Memory Live Again- Chapter Twenty-One**

Morgana surveyed the village in which her son was growing up. It was a poor place, but everyone seemed happy enough.

"Excuse me?" she asked a passer-by.

The man looked up at the beautiful woman sat on the grand horse, instantly realising that she must be the member of some royal court, "My lady? Can I help you?"

"Thank you. I am looking for Alice and Yvain, do you know where they live?" she wondered what she must look like to everyone around her. She felt like a nervous wreck.

"They live two houses down on your left." He gave her a funny look. It had barely been a month since the knights of Camelot had visited Alice and her son and had taken them up to the castle by order of the King himself.

"Thank you." She rode up to the house pointed out by the villager and dismounted her horse, tying him to the small fence that stood outside the run down cottage. Nervously, she knocked on the door.

A familiar face answered it, "Lady Morgana? What are you doing here."

"Please Alice, I have to see Yvain." She said with tears in her eyes.

Alice shook her head vigorously, "No, no you can't. He's my son Morgana, you have no right-"

"Please! You have no idea what this is doing to me!" she pleaded. The conversation began to attract the attention of stood around them.

"Just go home Morgana." She tried to return back inside her home, but some force prevented her from doing so.

Morgana's eyes glowed gold, "Let me see him! He's my son Alice!"

"Alice," the man from before approached them, "Do you need some assistance?"

Alice looked up, "No, we're fine." She was shaking violently, "The Lady Morgana is just fatigued due to her long journey from the city. We were just heading inside."

Morgana smiled wearily, "Thank you."

"Well if you need me, I'll be right outside." He gave Morgana a suspicious look.

"Thank you Ivan." She led Morgana inside, firmly shutting the door behind them.

Morgana's eyes flitted around the room, looking for her son.

"Morgana!" the young boy toddled over to her, lifting up his arms as an indication that he wanted to be held.

She bent down to pick him up, "You remember me!"

"It seems that you made quite an impression on him. He's always asking when we're going to see you again." She said somberly.

"Really?" Morgana smiled gleefully.

"You seem to have formed a connection. One that he and I cannot possibly have." She took a deep breath.

"I… I'm sorry?" Morgana knew that all of this must be hurting Alice dreadfully, "I do not wish to bring you pain."

Her eyebrows rose, "You can't have thought that this would be easy for me?"

"Of course not." She looked down at the child, knowing that she could never be parted from him again.

"Actually, this is a little easier than I thought it would be. Your connection is deeper than any two mortals. I have heard rumours that you hold great power and from what I saw a few moments ago, I now know these rumours to be true. I believe that you have passed this down to your… to your son." She found it difficult to call him that.

"You're saying our connection is a magical one?" Morgana asked, knowing that this opinion made her love her son even more than before if that were possible.

Alice nodded, wiping a tear from her eye, "He has been so miserable since we left the city. That smile on his face right now is the first one I've seen since he was last in your arms. I feared that he would never be happy again. He knows that you're his mother."

Tears of happiness were a rarity for Morgana. She tried to contain her smiles and laughter for Alice's sake, "What… what do you want to do then?"

"My husband… he loved Yvain so much. He never had a problem with the fact that he wasn't his. I was slightly different; I still yearned for a child of my own. I've never truly felt like a mother you see, but Richard…" she took a deep breath, struggling with the memory of her late husband, "He would hate me for this… but Richard's dead now."

"What are you saying?" Morgana didn't quite know what to think.

"He would be so much better off with you Morgana, I know that. But the others, the rest of the village, they idolised Richard. They wouldn't let his son go without a fight, not even for the First Lady of Camelot."

"You would give him to me? Just like that?" she found herself to be almost breathless with joy and disbelief.

Alice nodded, "I think so, yes."

*****

They decided that Morgana should spend the night at Alice's house so that they could decide what plan of action to take next.

"It wouldn't be fair to make him stay here, he would resent me for it when he grows older, I just know it."

Morgana watched Yvain run around the room after the cat and the dog, pulling at their tails, stroking them with just a little too much vigour, "They're ever so good with him! I remember getting bitten by my cat when I was young because I stood on its tail!"

Alice smiled, "Animals tend to warm to him pretty quickly. I swear he may even be able to communicate with them!" She took a deep breath, "I am going to miss him. I know that I don't love him as much as I should, but I really will miss him."

Morgana put her hand on her shoulder, "I know Alice. If I can make this any easier for you… I could get you a house in the city, you could visit him whenever you want?"

She shook her head, "I think that would just make things harder. Thank you though."

"I won't let him forget you Alice, I promise you that." Morgana smile comfortingly.

There was a knock at the door. Alice answered it to find the prince, Gwen and Arthur there.

"Your majesty." She bowed.

"Arthur! Gwen, Merlin! What are you doing here?" Morgana asked.

"Come in." Alice invited, sighing.

"We were worried about you Morgana. You shouldn't have gone off like that." Arthur told her.

"You were so ill." Gwen went over to hug Morgana, stopping herself just before she reached her, remembering that they were no longer friends.

"Hope can cure so much Gwen. I was only sick because I had lost every ounce of hope, but when it returned… Alice has said that I can take Yvain home with me, that I can be his mother!" She had never felt so happy.

This time Gwen did not stop herself from embracing her mistress, "Oh Morgana! Morgana that is fantastic!"

"Do you really think my father will allow it?" Arthur asked.

Morgana laughed, "I really don't care! He will not prevent me from being with my son; I would go into exile rather than be without him and I'll just have to trust that Uther cares for me enough to not allow _that_ to happen!"

Merlin went over to Alice, "Excuse me, sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if there was something going on in the village tonight?"

Alice looked confused, "I don't think so, no. Why do you ask?"

The others began to listen to the conversation, "It's just that there was a rather large group of men who seemed to be-"

"Oh God they know!" Morgana exclaimed, "They know that we're planning to take him!"

"What does that matter?" Arthur enquired.

"They won't let him go. Out of respect for my late husband, they would never let him go." Alice went over to the cot in which Yvain was sleeping, "Even the power of the crown prince won't stop them. You must leave now!"

And with that a sudden rush of energy came over those inside the cottage; Yvain was woken, his clothes were packed, supplies for the journey home were gathered, cloaks were put on. They were ready to leave.

"Good bye my dear boy." Alice cried, kissing him on the forehead, "I'll miss you so much. Remember that I loved you."

"Bye bye mama." He said tiredly, not really understanding the situation

"I have left some money on your table. For the supplies I mean. And for everything else." Arthur told her, giving a sympathetic smile.

"Go now, before it's too late."

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**Thanks for reading! Please review!**

**Last chapter sooooooonnn! Argh, I don't want it to end!! :P  
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	22. The Final Chapter

**So this is it- The Final Chapter! Thank you to Laura Elizabeth, Foxie Roxie, halogirl810, The HongKonger and roguelane for reviewing the last chapter**.

**I just was to say a massive thank you to everyone who has reviewed/alerted/even just read this story; I hope that you've enjoyed reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it! **

**A humongous thank you to Laura Elizabeth, halogirl810 and The HongKonger for your regular amazing reviews over the past couple of months! I wouldn't have enjoyed writing this nearly as much without them!**

**Of course I'm not 100% happy with this final chapter, but I don't think I ever would be!  
**

**So here goes; the final 1,023 words of this 16,759 word story :)

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**Let the Memory Live Again- The Final Chapter**

Alice watched as her son was carried out of her home by the one he rightfully belonged to. She sat back in her chair in a flood of tears, looking over to the empty cot, "I'm sorry Richard. This isn't what you'd want, but things will be so much better for him now, I promise." She attempted to wipe away some tears from her eyes, "You see, I couldn't leave Yvain alone in this world, but I couldn't be without you for much longer." She picked up the bottle from the table beside her and poured its contents into a glass. She took a final deep breath, "Please let this be quick and painless." Slowly she brought the sweet smelling poison towards her lips; peaceful in the knowledge that everything would be alright.

*****

The four mounted their horses with as much haste as possible. Morgana couldn't get onto hers due to the child she was carrying in her arms.

"Give him to me!" Arthur shouted as the villagers ran towards them.

"No, I won't let him go." She struggled onto her horse; Merlin and Gwen were racing ahead at Arthur's command. The villagers advanced, "He's my son!" she cried, "Leave us be!"

It was no use. The villagers continued after them, "Come on Morgana!" Arthur shouted.

Men on horses came towards them from the opposite direction. Morgana knew that if she ran towards the other villagers then she would be pulled off her horse. She took her chances and rode towards the men on horseback. Dodging them, she came towards the edge of the village and into a dark forest. She rode down into the Valley of Fallen Kings, not looking back for a moment. She knew that she was alone, that neither her friends nor her attackers were close.

"Mama?" Yvain clung onto Morgana, knowing exactly who she was.

She smiled, "It's all going to be alright Yvain. We're on our way home now."

She had no idea which way to turn, but she didn't care, because she and Yvain were together. Arthur and the others would find them soon. She carried on riding, knowing that she had to get as far away from Lathien as possible, even if she was traveling in the opposite direction to home. She wouldn't let them catch her now.

Everything was so quiet out here, the air so still. It was almost… perfect. Morgana looked up at the night sky, smiling at a full moon. She slowed down, and for a second she though of the future, something she hadn't allowed herself to do for a long time. She had never truly believed everything that Arthur had said about getting married and getting Yvain back once Uther was dead, she just wouldn't let herself.

Suddenly the sound of hooves came from the distance, followed by the shouts of angry men. The chase was on once more.

Yvain began to cry as they gathered speed, "Hush Yvain, it'll be alright!" she told him, finding it increasingly difficult to ride with only one available arm.

The noises came closer, she didn't dare look round.

Without warning they were flung off the horse. She was thrown into the thickets at the side of the road, Yvain still held tightly in her arms. She quickly stood up and turned around to see two large arrows sticking out of the poor horses body.

She started to run, clutching her son to her chest.

She hadn't noticed that he had stopped crying.

She hadn't noticed that he had stopped moving.

She hadn't noticed that he had stopped being.

Slowly, she noticed the arrow sticking out of his tiny little body.

The world stopped.

A sickening scream stopped the advancing villagers in their paths.

She fell to the floor.

Screaming out his name, she frantically tried to do _something,_ "Wake up," she whispered stroking his beautiful little face, her hands shaking wildly, "Yvain wake up."

His eyes were wide open

Confused tears filled her throat, "Yvain? Everything's going to be alright Yvain, you'll see. You're going to live with me in the castle in Camelot, with Arthur and Merlin, and Gwen and Gaius and everyone." She looked into his beautiful, empty eyes, a desperate smile upon her wretched face, "They're all going to love you, I just know it! We're going to be so happy you and me, everything's going to be alright, you'll see!" she brought him to her chest, cradling him so gently "Please Yvain, you have to do this, you have to wake up! I won't lose you Yvain, not now! Yvain…"

Her friends approached her, not quite sure of what had just happened. She saw her shaking body cowered over her beautiful baby boy.

All three stopped dead in their tracks.

Gwen brought her hand to her mouth, "Oh God!"

"Morgana?" was the only word that Merlin could utter.

There was a stunned silence for what seemed like a thousand years. No one said a word. No one moved an inch. Nineteen men and one woman just stood there, looking towards the Lady Morgana and her darling baby boy. Even the horses did not make a sound. The wind blew through the dark valley, ignorant of events. No-one flinched at the crack of thunder in the distance, many didn't even register it; suddenly, they were so numb, as if everything that ever was and ever would be had frozen forever. All of them shared the knowledge that because of this night, nothing would ever be the same again in the Kingdom of Camelot.

Eventually, a bloodcurdling, harrowing cry emerged from the mouth of the young, lost woman, "No…. no, no no!" she continued to scream the word of disbelief over and over again.

Everyone was still rooted to the ground. Tears ran down the cheeks of twenty-one faces for the twenty-seconded person who could cry no longer.

Arthur moved toward her, "Morgana." he whispered.

Slowly she turned around,

Her skin glowing white through pain,

Her hair glowing black through darkness,

Her eyes glowing red through two lives lost.

The End.

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**So, that was it, the final chapter!**

**I know that it probably wasn't the ending that you all wanted; I did originally plan for there to be a happy ending, but I just don't think that Morgana le Fey is destined for happy endings (unfortunately)!**

**I know that it ended rather quickly**;** I did write an extended version of this chapter, but it didn't give the effect that I wanted to achieve.**

**I hold my hands up to crying as I finished writing this, but in my defence, it was close to one o'clock in the morning** **(I did edit afterwards though with dry eyes!)!**

**So that's enough rambling from me; I'm trying to put of having to change the status of the story to 'complete'. :(**

**Thanks again,**

**Fayex**

**:)  
**


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